I really wanted to make this month's New Moon special, since last month's was so staggeringly special. But the truth is that this month's was also Crazy Busy and filled with stuff like house-cleaning and unpacking from a trip and...yadayadayada. Still, I knew that some of you would be joining me and I also wanted to send some healing vibes and commune with Mother...Ocean? Well, Mother Earth. Mother something or other.
So after the kidlets went to bed, I took a shower and headed outside. With me, I took my Mother Stone (of course), my dove candle holder (I used a blue candle), a little jelly jar of water I'd let soak up sun in my garden all day long, and a blanket to sit on.
I'd made no plans, had no songs or chants in mind. I really wanted to try to capture that feeling of...waiting for something to happen instead of thinking ahead so much. I had learned a lot from my experiences by the Water in June. I wanted to learn more.
I lit my candle, sat cross-legged on my blanket, put my water jar in front of me, and waited. After a while, the little chant I'd thought of at the beach wafted through my head: "Water above and Water below, Water from whom all our lives flow, Peace and love I give to thee, Peace and strength to heal the Sea." I sang it softly under my breath. Lightning flashed in the distance; it felt like an "amen."
What happened next is...weird. I mean, we're all friends here, right? And Pagans. So I hope you won't fall over when I tell you that without any kind of thought whatsoever, I pulled my tee-shirt over my head and sat there naked in the dark.
Okay, now look. I know plenty of folks who run around "sky-clad" at rituals and that is all fine and dandy. The Pagan group near here has a bunch of parties where children aren't welcome because the grownups get nekkid. But me? Not so much. Plus, to be frank, it's July in the South. There are MOSQUITOS the size of my car buzzing around. But as soon as my hands settled on my (WTF?) naked knees, more lightning.
What in the world was I supposed to be getting from this? I waited, trying to be patient, trying not to think, "I seriously doubt that anybody else Meeting at the Water is hanging out whilst unclothed." A splash of rain on my nose. On my (bare) boob.
I reached out and picked up my jelly jar and tipped a little water over my head. Over my breasts that nourished my kidlets. Over my belly that gave them their first home. Over my legs, still strong despite a layer of pudge, still capable of chasing a little one across the yard. Over my hands, which do the work to make my house a home.
I realized that I was bare and I was...BARE. I was a woman, a mother, talking and spending time with another Mother, who could see my flaws and strengths and show me her own.
The wind picked up, cooling the water on my body. Lighting flashed again, closer now--fire made into ribbons. I dug my fingers into the earth. Air, Water, Fire, Earth.
And me. Spirit.
So. I'm not really sure who did the healing that night. I'm not sure if it's important, even.
I'm sure that I'm learning from these nights and getting a stronger sense of who I am as a Pagan, but I have to be honest and say that the learning is baffling sometimes.
Still, I'm looking forward to Meeting you at the Water on the 9th.
Naked or not. :)