Hmmm...I need to figure out a better way to organize these posts. I'll be working on that, but in the meantime, any ideas?
Last night, as you may recall, I decided to do a more ritualized ritual when I met y'all at the water. I just got a new tarot deck (The Paulina Tarot by Paulina Cassidy, which I love with a passion that burns...) and wanted to incorporate it somehow. I worried a little that I would be botching the whole thing by getting all technical and mess, but it still felt right. It probably has something to do with the fact that I'm all Filey McOrganizationface with the new school year.
I took a shower first, because I did last time and it seemed to help center me. It was harder to concentrate this time around, because the Hubs and I have been driving each other insane lately. It always happens this time of year...his job stresses him out and Jeffrey stresses me out and we are seriously lovely people all the way 'round. I tried to concentrate on the water washing away any negativity from the situation down the drain, but I also kept having annoying little things pop into my head. Bleagh.
While in the shower, I visualized using a white candle. I also visualized sitting at my kitchen table instead of outside. The reason for this is pretty ridiculous. I'd just read a movie review about alien abduction and I was all spooked. I KNOW. I don't even BELIEVE in alien abduction, but I get the creeps thinking about it. I'm ridiculous.
However, when I got out into the living room, Will was watching TV and I'd be listening to the sonorous voice of Morgan Freeman explaining the Universe from the other room, so I decided to suck it up and go outside. I discovered upon gathering my supplies that I'd used up my last white candle and had to go with the blue. I grabbed my little water jar, my Mother stone, the shark's tooth I used in June (for protection against aliens, I suppose), my candle holder, and my cards. For some reason, I lit the candle before I went outside, possibly because I'm an eejit: I knocked it against the door frame when I went outside, causing the candle to fall and burn out. Excellent way to start.
The candle ALSO fell out of the holder and went out when I got everything set up on the patio floor. Note to self: when the brain says "white candle," use the fricking white candle. Note to self, part two: get more candles. Finally, everything was all settled: tooth facing directly west, candle east of that (facing west), water jar east of that, me east of the water jar. I put the cards to the south of the line o' objects and held my mother stones between my palms. (It's egg-shaped, so it fits neatly there.) I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and centered myself. (Basically, this is just settling my bones, making sure my weight is evenly distributed, that nothing hurts or feels out of line. Then I try to do the same for my pysche. Last night I had to say, "The aliens won't get you." Of course, then the air conditioning unit kicked in and I almost wet my pants. NOT the sort of water I had in mind, my friends.)
I opened myself up to any kind of message from Mother, but all I got was a general sense of peace. So I repeated my little chant a couple of times, then tried to imagine my inner power as a flame. This is difficult for me. I'm a Pagan and a fantasy writer, but any time my practice gets a little "out there," I feel myself shutting down. But I think it's important for me to get in touch with that side of me, so I tried to hold on to the thought. It occurred to me to try to use the candle I was using as an example or a focus tool, so I opened my eyes and watched the flame for a minute.
(Pause to say that EVERYBODY should run outside in the dark with a candle and set it on the ground and sit behind it. Because as a meditation tool, that is some crazy stuff. The flame moves around, and as it does, the shadow of the wick moves around. It was really cool to watch and I found myself totally zoning out on it. Will use it at a later date, I think.)
Watching the flame helped. I transferred the Mother stone to my right hand and pressed it against my heart. I imagined a little bit of my fire siphoning off into the stone and then dropped the stone into the water. Nope, I hadn't planned that. It just went that way.
Now it was card time. I used only the Major Arcana, as I'm trying to study this deck very carefully and I haven't moved on to the Minor Arcana yet. (For those not familiar with Tarot, I recommend this site as a very basic overview. Very. Basic. I know a lot of you delve into the cards and some do readings or post info about it, so if you'd like to share a link, please do. I'll be writing about my own cards tomorrow.) I asked what more I could do to help Mother and then drew my card: Temperance.
I studied the picture, because this isn't a card I'm totally familiar with. My first thought was: oh, how funny--she's holding up cups. (Get it? Cups, water? Yeah.) My second thought was: balance, because the figure on the card is balanced on top of a diamond. Hmmm....
Feeling like the ritual was finished, I damped the candle, poured the water out into the garden, and headed inside to look up the full meaning of the Temperance card. I was NOT disappointed. First of all, healing energy figures large in a Temperance reading. Yay!! Isn't it nice to get a big thumbs up from the Divine? Second, the idea of merging different parts of oneself (or one's situation) to find balance is HUGE for me right now. I'm battling to get my practical side and my magic-embracing side to get along, and this card just backs it up. I really feel like I was being told that in order to do the best work for the Earth (Nature, Mother, etc.), I need to learn to use those parts as a whole. I'll be thinking of ways to do this in the next few days.
So. Less nakedness, more ritual, and maybe even more things to think about. It was a good New Moon, I think. I feel ready to get some work done on several different levels. How about you? Any insights? New discoveries? Nakedness? (I kid.) (Unless you DID get naked, which you know we all want to hear about.) (Ha.) Share with us if you feel it, my friends.